actually, i CAN Blog

I meant it in the morning. That's the part people don't believe. I would wake up, head pounding or just hollow, and mean it with everything in me. Not today. Not again. I would say it out loud sometimes, like saying it out loud made it more real. By late afternoon, I was negotiating. Not a big negotiation. A small one. One won't matter. I've had a day. I'll start tomorrow, and tomorrow will be cleaner anyway. By evening, I had already decided, and the deciding had happened so quietly I could pretend it hadn't been me who decided it. If you live anywhere near that loop — if you're in Newark, in Heath, in Granville, or anywhere in Ohio searching this at 1 a.m. because today was supposed to be different — I need you to hear this first: You are not asking the wrong question because you lack willpower. You may be asking the wrong question altogether. It was never just about the alcohol For a long time I thought my problem was that I kept drinking. That was the vi...

An addiction counselor in Licking County on why willpower was never the whole story This morning, you meant it. I believe that. I need you to know I believe that, because most people won't. You poured it out, or you drove a different way home in your head, or you stood in the kitchen and said — out loud, to nobody — “I'm done.” And you were done. In that moment, you were completely done. Then evening came. And now you're sitting here — car idling, or phone in your hand, or standing in that aisle — doing the exact math you swore you wouldn't do again. Just tonight. Just to get some sleep. Just to turn the volume down for a little while. If you're reading this because you searched for an addiction counselor in Licking County, or “why do I keep drinking when I want to stop,” I want to start in the right place: going back does not prove you didn't mean it this morning. It proves something else is going on underneath. And underneath is where the real work is. What...

How brain chemistry, emotional conditioning, and neuroplasticity help explain why lasting recovery involves more than simply stopping a substance. Someone can know that drinking is destroying their relationships, damaging their health, and taking away things they care about. They can genuinely want to stop. They can promise themselves, and everyone around them, that this time will be different. And still find themselves doing the same thing again. From the outside, that can be difficult to understand. Sometimes it's even harder for the person experiencing it. Why would someone keep returning to something that has caused so much pain? Part of the answer lies in understanding how the brain learns. And interestingly, many of the principles behind the 12 Steps connect with what neuroscience has taught us about addiction, emotional regulation, learned behavior, and the brain's ability to change. Your Brain Doesn't Always Choose What's Healthy. It Often Chooses What's Fam...

You finally sit down. The coffee’s still hot. The house is quiet. Nobody needs you for the next ten minutes. And before you take a sip, you’re already making a case for why you deserve to be there. I did get the laundry done. I answered those emails. I’ll get back up in a minute. You’ve got ten minutes to yourself, and you’re spending them defending yourself to an empty room. If you feel guilty when you rest, pay attention to what the guilt is accusing you of. Sometimes there’s a real obligation you need to deal with. Other times, sitting down just makes you feel lazy, selfish, or like you’re letting somebody down. That difference matters. You can finish a task. It’s a hell of a lot harder to finish proving you’re a good person. Why Does Resting Feel Like Doing Something Wrong? Maybe you were the dependable one. You picked up the slack. You figured out what needed doing before anyone had to ask. People appreciated that about you, and you probably appreciated it about yourself. ...

Someone says something that hits a nerve. Maybe it’s their tone. A particular word. The look on their face. Or the feeling that you’re being criticized, dismissed, rejected, or disrespected. Suddenly your reaction feels bigger than the situation itself. Your chest tightens. Your thoughts race. You feel anger rising, or the urge to shut down, defend yourself, walk away, or say something you’ll regret. Sometimes you don’t even understand why you’re reacting so strongly. You just know something inside you has shifted. What you’re feeling is real. It can take a minute to figure out how much of it belongs to what’s happening right now. Why Do I React So Strongly to Tone or Criticism? Your brain uses past experience to make sense of what’s happening now. If you’ve heard a certain tone right before an argument enough times, your body may start bracing as soon as you hear it again. A tone of voice can remind you of an old fight before you’ve had time to figure out what the person in front of y...